Let the layers peel away
Let the mask not stay
Let go of being stoic
And strong
Let go of the fear
Of being wrong
Let go of the feelings
Which are decaying and dry
Let go of those shackles and chains
Which don’t let you try
Give in to the rhythm of
The soul
Give in to impulses
Which fill in the pieces
And make you whole
Filed under Uncategorized
I was your companion in euphoric highs ,
Your shadow through abysmal lows.
Words are futile to explain
I can see you conceal the pain
You don’t want me anymore
And the heart knows
Odd are the ways of the
Human mind
And even more eccentric the
Temperament of mankind
We choose to stay safe in a mental sanctuary
And refuse to set ourselves free
Clinging to familiar ways
Chained to gone by days
We fear the winds of revolution
And shirk all that spells evolution
Maintaining status quo
Seems easier than going with the flow
We’d rather choose to be the torpid river
Over becoming the gushing stream
We seldom stray from the safe path
To chase and live a dream
When the caresses of time start to tell
We learn to step out of the shell
And then we start to know
To learn to love, live and grow
Is to open your arms to change
And let go of our inhibitions
Of all that is novel and strange
Tried my hand at micro-fiction on twitter for the first time and quite enjoyed playing with words..
I’m bland insipid and I merge with the tapestry .But
in the realm of my reveries I’m an unsolved mystery
———————————————————————————-
She saw him and thought: “To look so good is a sin!”
He told himself: “Will she ever see the beast within?”
———————————————————————————-
Abundant acceptance interspersed with love & forgiveness
Was the perfect foil to her brazen recklessness
——————————————————————————-
She became a captive of her fears
Forget redemption, nothing made her feel whole
Or could purge her soul
Not even those sacred tears
———————————————————————————-
He at the altar, triumphantly “She’s so naive I can take her for a ride”
She at the altar: “This isn’t for me; it’s time again to become the runaway bride!”
———————————————————————————————————————————–
Filed under fiction
Barely two weeks into married life ..this is a question I encounter oh so often. I don’t know how to field this one cause I am still trying to come to terms and fathom the changes that marriage brings!! It feels great to spend time with the person you love, it feels wonderful to see the carefree boyfriend metamorphose into a thoughtful spouse and it feels wonderful to go back to a home ( this is something I started valuing only after staying in a PG accommodation for close to two and a half years !! ). But a marriage changes so much so soon and a person like me who is slow to adapt to changes takes her own sweet time to adopt these changes.Luckily there aren’t too many changes that I’ve had to make. One thing which came as a complete surprise was that I wasn’t even a tad jittery on the D-day..infact my folks had to tell me to look a little coy and demure 
I guess this comes with knowing one is doing the right thing. Though the better -half looked more nervy than me..poor guy it was dawning on him that he had to put up with me for a lifetime ..That is not so easy mind you 
Of days spent waiting from dusk to dawn
Of dreams which were swept away even before they were born
Of the pain and tears you masked
Of questions which remain unasked
Of the childhood days spent in blissful naivety
Of a life that couldn’t touch you with its harshness and complexity
Of the stories still waiting to be told
Of moments of weakness and times when you were bold
Of times that were filled with laughter and bliss
Of mist that gathers when you think of people you miss
They disguise nothing and say it all
The biggest joy or even a disappointment so small
The smoulder in anger and melt with joy and love
They have the vulnerability of a doe and the purity of a dove
Even when you try to build a wall
They don’t let you conceal a thing and just say it all
In anger and rage they are the seething coal
They mirror your heart and are the windows to your soul
Words are not needed to feel your tears and smiles
Yes it’s your eyes that speak a thousand miles
With her head held high in pride
She sails through life’s bumpy ride
Her enigmatic face
never betrays a shadow or grimace
She leads a fearless full life
She is a cherished daughter, mother and wife
She does the tight rope walk with a rare ease
Does her own thing yet manages to please
She fights on all fronts and multitasks
Yet she never sits pretty on her laurels or in glory basks
She wears several hats with a rare grace
So much to do yet she has a smile on her face
She knows what she wants from life
She gets their without friction or strife
If you’re still wondering and want a clue
She’s the woman of today yes its even you …
Love heightens the senses and brings a touch of sheer madness
It can bring solace from loneliness
It can engulf you like vast wilderness
It has the power to heal the hollow emptiness
It can engulf you with joy or drown your heart in sheer sadness
It can leave you wounded or soothe you with its tenderness
It can teach you virtues of patience and forgiveness
It can drown you in tumultuous sea of emotions or fill you with ocean like calmness
It can brighten your spirits and lift you from sepulchral darkness
Love is divine it lifts the soul and gives purpose to one’s existence
She’s a mother, a daughter, a wife
She give you boundless love and is the source of life
Her dignity, her grace and poise is beyond measure
Respect her, love her and cherish her like a treasure
She’s walked on thorns for ages now
Now if you test her patience she’s taken a vow
To stand up against injustice and pain
To weather the storms and rain
She’s hitched her wagon to the star
She’s proved her mettle near and far
Don’t try to tie her down or stop her
Now the world is her oyster..
Here’s wishing all the wonderful women out there a very happy women’s day. Today is going to be a historic women’s day with the Women’s reservation bill being voted for in the Rajya Sabha. Let’s all vow to make each day of the year women’s day by making our cities safer for women, by spreading awareness about female feticide, by giving women their due at the workplace..there are miles to go..but let’s make a small beginning this women’s day..Kudos to girl power 
I didn’t choose a title for this post deliberately…it is just a medium of giving vent to random thoughts which crowd my head like a swarm of bees !!I have this innate capacity to turn into a wall and lapse into total inertia…but it’s now time to snap out of this sense of stagnancy and take charge of things….I need to learn to be open to change can’t just shut my eyes and pretend life will go as it is !!
There are ideas waiting to be executed, chores to be done…let’s snap out of la-la land and get them all done…
Enough of being a fence-sitter now it’s time to take a stand !!
UTV Bindass seems to be cashing on its reality show Emotional Atyachaar, a reality show where people make their partners undergo a loyalty test !! When I first saw it I had mixed reactions..obviously the first one being skepticism …how on earth can such inane stuff be real !! But it’s such a reflection on how ephemeral and fragile relationships are in our times : what with people cheating “virtually” on their partners, “office spouses” and stresses and strains of modern life…Another question which kept wandering in my mind was why the heck are you in a relationship with a person you can’t trust and you have to stoop down to silly gimmicks like these to check whether your partner is faithful !! Perhaps I am one of those old school of thought people who think relationships are sacrosanct and one doesn’t have to wash one’s dirty linen on National TV !! Even if you do want to exit a relationship for whatever reason you don’t do it by making a spectacle of yourself .( That is if this show is actually real !! ). Wouldn’t a quiet dignified parting be a better way out ??
We are a nation of such voyeurs and will give up no opportunity to peep into people’s private lives..why would we want to feed these voyeuristic tendencies by airing such shows ?? I can’t make any head and tail of it ..can you ??
I was taken aback when the other day someone enquired all well you’re not on Facebook these days ?? In fact another friend thought me and my boy friend ( now husband) had some trouble brewing since we’d decided to stay away from social networking for a while !! This had me really flummoxed.It then dawned me how social networking sites had become an integral part of our lives. People share the teeny-weeniest details of their lives here…If you’re not on Facebook you’re probably a social pariah. you don’t have a social life to speak of.
I often choose to disable my profile in between, take a breather and then come back .friends and family consider me very temperamental for doing this ..I think I have a right to choose when I want to connect with people and when I’d like to stay away !! I’d rather be the outsider , a ‘social-outcast’ than rave and rant on FB…(Anyways I do that enough on this blog to have the energy to continue elsewhere 
)
P.S By the way this is my 100th post..yay never thought I’d have so much to talk about
There are curves and bends
There are ups and downs
This journey seldom ends
on an expected note
The twists are many at every turn
You burn your fingers and then learn
A moonless night gives way to dawn
Sometimes fear, sometimes faith is born
This journey is what you make of it
It’s a passage that is built bit by bit
When you choose a path to tread for life
Just keep walking on in peace and strife
Life is an expedition for the fittest
Just take it head on and give it your best !
Why isn’t there a law in our country against prying into people’s personal lives ?? Humph I really wish they were. It would make life much easier for people like me who would rather keep their private lives..as private as possible. It gets at me like nothing does, when random acquaintances ask me questions like where does your husband work ? How much does he earn( I bite my tongue and stop myself from asking how is that your concern! ) Phew! Sometimes I wish I had the guts to say this to people’s faces. the only thing that stops me is the fear of being an acid tongue …I think something is seriously wrong with me cause I have to exercise mammoth patience and stop myself from reaching the end of my tether whenever I am at the receiving end of such innocuous yet nosey questions.
How do you deal with such people?? Any tips are always welcome
When I hear parents announce boastfully my child shall be second to none among friends and relatives.. I wonder why are they burdening their child with such unrealistic expectations ? Is it more important for them that their child marches ahead in the proverbial rat race or is a happy , well-rounded individual.. When i was a child a neighbour of mine who was Doctorate in Physics was forced to sit at home by her husband..her son bore the brunt of this.. Even though he was an excellent performer in school she seldom took pride in his achievements and kept egging him on to do better..Once the poor fellow scored a phenomenal 97 in maths and the mother merely asked him baaki ke 3 marks kahan gaye ? I was shocked…had I scored something close to this my folks would have been over the moon..but this woman wasn’t cause she had killed her own aspirations and was now living vicariously through her son.. Are children to bear the burden of our unfulfilled dreams and desires ..Aren’t they entitled to have their own…I really wish more parents gave this a thought…
They are all mine my dreams and all
I choose to walk my path even if I fall
I sing a tune of my own
I’ll choose my music, lyrics and tone
I know what I want and what I want to do
Don’t tell me what I need cause I am me I’m not you
Let me live on my own and fly away
If you chain me down I’ll never stay
Don’t judge me, label me for what I do
Just remember I am me I can never be you…
I often see we try to change and mould the people in our lives whether our partner or our children to what we think is acceptable..My dad tells me in the process of changing people we destroy them..I often wonder who are we to decide what is acceptable and what isn’t .. It would be wonderful if we could love and accept these people for what they are and not what we want them to be..I really hope I learn to practice this to the tee !!
There are times one feels directionless despite taking on a specific direction..times when despite certainty and security one feels a tad unsure of what’s in store ?? There are times when despite knowing what’s right for us we choose otherwise…Times whren a strange kind of restlessness engulfs you and gives you impetus to look within, to reflect…Times when life puts you face to face with things you’ve been trying hard all your life to either overlook or shove under the carpet ? Times when you start questioning choices which seem irrevocable… Is this mere obfuscation or is this what people call the Quarter Life Crisis !!
Even if I don’t practice them all the time there are quite a few things I’m learning to observe in the turbulent twenties
- Sometimes its wiser to let go rather than hold on…
- In the bid to win an argument one might lose a good equation . Sometimes you gain more by keeping a lid over that acid tongue !!
- Staying silent is better than saying something hurtful you don’t really mean and then repenting at leisure
It’s not always about saying or doing what you think people want from you..it is sometimes about doing or saying what you want…
morality is not so much about a value system as much it is out of conditioned fear
-When the blues hit you, a bar of chocolate, a visit to the saloon or an unabashed shopping spree never let you down
There are many more such homilies I keep giving to myself…some work others don’t but then life is all about trying untill you learn to create your own symphony…..What say you ??
Fridays for me are always associated with movies..that is how I thought of a post with a filmy flavour.Here’s a list of the incredible stuff that films especially bollywood ones palm off to viewers and expect us to palate such incredible things..
Some of these I’ve read, others are based on observations,some mine and some that friends have pointed out.Feel free to add to the list
- When it’s raining the leading lady is inevitably dressed in white or something really clingy and transparent..
- When you’re dancing on the streets everyone seems to be able to match steps with you.
- You can burst into a song and dance in the most inappropriate of places : college campus , your office and no one is ever going to bat an eyelid !!
- A policeman or detective is able to crack a case only after he’s retired or suspended.
- The leading guy doesn’t even release a murmur when the goons are beating him into a pulp but will wince in pain when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
- One can wear make up to bed without ever worrying about it smudging..-
-You can pass of as a college student even at 45 and romance women old enough to be your daughters…
When I’m watching a movie..what interests me probably more than the movie itself is the banter and innocent questions that kids put up to their parents who are at a loss for the right words to answer these questions..For instance a during a recent movie I saw when the lead couple were getting intimate , a curious 5 year old’s banter began : ‘Yeh kya iski girlfriend hai ? Kya yeh ek saath sote hain ? Kya yeh dono ek ghar main rehte hain ??” The poor parents just kept hemming and hawing to avoid these awkward questions !! It was quite a sight..But it also set me thinking.. Kids grow up so fast these days nothing catches their fancy for too long..they know tooth fairies are bunkum , they don’t belive in fairytales,gnomes and poixies don’t exist for them as they did for us.Instead they either mouth dialogues of soap operas and hum the lyrics ofsongs like love, sex and dhoka. or they are out there in the spotlight participating in reality shows where they’re dancing to songs whose lyrics they aren’t old enougfh to comprehend .Unfortunately Children aren’t child-like anymore,in fact they are like mini adults these days..Sigh how times change !!
Meandering through life ,like the gushing,flowing stream
Searching for meaning, purpose and gust to follow that one dream
Restlessness engulfs the mind, the heart feels hollow
Till there is a goal you choose to find and follow
Finding that path which was meant for you
Life’s calling to which one is true
Pursuing a passion with zeal and zest
Undoubtedly brings out the best
Have you ever been in a situation with a family member or friend when you just can’t find the appropriate response..when they break into monologues which go on for eternity and you just don’t know how to steer the conversation to a logical end ?Why do we sometimes fumble to say the right thing ?? I wonder is it what they’ve said or is it sheer my social ineptitude,I sometimes find myself in situations where I’m so dumbfounded and don’t know what would be the right thing to say . Especially when people are going all out to criticize something or someone.. This is when I usually wriggle out with a customary nod or a humming sound !! Then there are times when in a social gathering I’ve noticed people wax eloquently about something which doesn’t interest me even to the remotest degree I usually grin and bear it or have put on that all attentive look and go into la la land mentally 
I wonder why do we take refuge in such masks ? With me it is simply the fear of annoying or hurting the person at the other end.. How do you react in similar situations ????
Does being newly married mean people put you under a microscope and judge the way you carry yourself and choose to dress?? Does it also give people the right to comment on your attire ? I guess it does this is what a colleague drove home when she commented ” You are too simple aren’t you ? Perhaps you don’t like dressing up.Newly married women must deck up at least for a few months.” Yeah right if her idea of dressing up is looking like a pancaked christmas tree then I don’t have much to say!! Can I help it, if the art of make-up doesn’t fascinate me or bling isn’t really my favourite attire ?? I almost had the girl who did my wedding make-up shouting and screeching at me since I was too fidgety and ended up spoiling her work.. I can be quite a brat otherwise but prefer not being too loud with my clothes especially at work…
This has nothing to do with how happy I am about being married. It goes without saying I love every bit of it !! Being married teaches me something new every day about myself and about the man I fell for hook, line and sinker …But will my looking like a jazzed up doll convey my feelings of excitement better ?? I think this is something only my dear colleague can answer for us
I often wonder why is being cynical associated with being mature ? Can’t one be lively, playful , love life and yet be mature…And the worst part is when people confuse being cynical with being realistic.Does reality always have to be bitter and unpalatable ??.I’ve often been told maturity is not looking at life with rose-tinted glasses, being skeptical about everything and everyone under the sun, live with the assumption that the world is a man eat man place.. Phew !! Parents are almost emphatic that they want their children to be ‘worldly -wise’ and street smart so that they can protect their own interests and move up the ladder of success( the means it seems are immaterial !! ).It is drilled into heads of little kids you have to be nothing but the best !! .All this makes me feel growing up is an option I’d rather choose not to exercise.. Can’t we retain our effervescence, childlike wonder and yet mature into individuals with a healthy degree of skepticism and rational judgement ??I’ve often noticed people being labeled as immature just because they are playful. Does maturity dawn only with the death of innocence??
It sometimes saddens me to see how being polite and well-mannered is a gradually diminishing ..in fact dying habit.. Being polite and nice is mistaken for weakness.When I went to pre-school there being polite was something that was ingrained in us right from the beginning. these days I marvel at parents who are indulgent even proud of their brash, loud little brats !! I wonder why people seldom notice that it takes some amount of strength and grace to be civil with others.Words like thank you, sorry and please are considered rather archaic and seldom find a place in everyday parlance. I often ask myself why are we so scared of observing basic niceties whether at the workplace or in our familial and social interactions..And I’ve discovered after observing people : we fear being civil cause we think we’ll end up being walkovers for people.. No wonder people take a strange sort of pride in being arrogant and rude.They would rather have other people be in awe of them than have others think of them as pushovers. Arrogance I’ve figured is nothing but a veiled form of fear.. If fear governs all our interactions how can we ever think of being polite ??
Lately I’ve been mulling over quite a bit over the role of choice versus fate in our lives. Are we the ones who make conscious choices when it comes to choosing a career, a life partner or friends ? Or it is all pre-destined, just meant to be and we simply delude ourselves by claiming that we choose our path in life ?? This is a debate that has raged on in my mind for ages.. A while back I was discussing it with a friend and we’d ended up deciding that destiny gives us a framework within which we make choices..is it all that simplistic ?? I don’t think so …can you help me get a clear perspective on this???
I’ve never been the kind to set targets or bother about milestones. Though I have four years before I hit 30…but there are several things I would like to change about myself before I hit the number.
- I can be quite dense when it comes to figuring out people’s covert motives.. I hope to become more street smart and astute by the time I touch 30.( God only knows how )
- I am awful at being assertive either I am this pushover or I turn extremely aggressive. I am hoping to achieve that magical balance between submissiveness and aggression !! ( It seems to tall an order to me right now )
- I want to be content and at peace with myself. Though I do have phases of being all content and peaceful I am mostly very restless and I am constantly searching for new ideas to toy with.. Here again equilibrium is what I seek.
- I want to stop being judgemental..I usually am but sometimes I’ve caught myself sounding a tad too preachy.. trying to nip this in the bud.
- I hope to be more coherent and clear in how I write, think and speak…I’ve found myself meandering in my twenties, experimenting with ideas, searching for a direction especially as far as my career is concerned.. Fortunately personally I did not have to float around too much . I married the first man I dated and am quite pleased with the way things turned out afterwards…Touchwood !!
- I would like to be more autonomous especially emotionally and be in control of my life
Is a search for balance and stability that most of us experience in our twenties ? I think turmoil and restlessness is a precursor to growing up and becoming more mature..
I don’t know ..you would be able to tell me better.The only thing that worries me is I have figured out what I want to be , but need to do more soul searching in terms of how to get there.
For those of you in the twenties, do you have a similar wish list ? For those of you in your thirties : How did you tackle the turmoil ? Waiting to hear from all of you
The world belongs to the people who are either pompous or proud
This is something I’ve only recently figured out
Modesty and humility were virtues aeons ago
Now sadly enough they’re foolish faults which can never let you grow.
Blow your own trumpet and go all out to the tell one and all
How you’ve done a marvellous job of everything and have always stood tall
Preening like peacocks which was once considered vain
But now it is a necessity for mere survival and some gain
Hard work and honesty :virtues our parents lived by
Are slowly diminishing and will very soon die
It is a wayward upside down world now my friend
Have you ever thought if this how things continue how will it all ever end ??
I need a break …no not from work but from thinking my head is so muddled , so crowded with thoughts I wish I could make my mind clutter free.. In fact there are so many thoughts jumping around in my head right now that I almost feel fatigued : about what I want from work, about my parents’ health ( How I miss them 
) About my in-laws’ health, about learning to manage things at home better ( I am almost redundant when it comes to household chores , especially cooking !! ) I wish I was more action oriented rather than merely mulling over and chewing over things in my head….
This weekend I intend taking a break from thinking about a million things all at once.. the end result is so futile I get virtually nothing done.Perhaps I just need to slow down .. pick up one thread at a time…So here is hyper me taking a deep breath and vowing to quieten things a little… I hope it works.. Sigh !!
This last week was a pure manifestation of Murphy’s law : everything that could possibly go wrong under the sun went wrong and knowing me by now you would know it has to be workwise.I saw how people transform overnight if you decide to take a stand for yourself and try to pin you down, turn vindictive all because you had temerity to ask for something which is rightfully yours ..But what is life without trying times…This adage is so clichéd and done to death yet rings true each time: if it doesn’t kill you it only leave you stronger.. My dad, my husband , mom and friends ( I have to thank GM from blogosphere too, she’s a gem !O ) are real bricks.. If nothing else this experience might have left a bad taste in the mouth but all I feel at the end of the day is gratitude and sheer joy for being surrounded by such lovely people. Their pep talks made me look at how there is much else to life rather than whining about work. .. I’ve come to realise :Any sort of work might give your life meaning at times.. but if you treat it like the be all and end all of your existence and identity then you’re asking for trouble.. Work with your head and there is absolutely no need to put your heart and soul into it cause that is like inviting misery with your arms wide open..
Whatever happened is well past ( or rather I think, it can even continue but now I care two hoots ) ; now I can just lift my head and say Tomorrow is yet another day ( I quite owe this last line to the Scarlett O Hara influence )
I have heard of mothers-in-law being bossy and daughters-in-law toeing the line without as much as a whimper. But this one that I heard from a friend who recently tied the knot sort of takes the cake in encroaching on someone’s privacy. The poor girl happens to be tall and lean , her mom-in-law if you please wanted to see all her lingerie to check whether the girl was wearing padded bras…And the Daughter in law was thereon instructed to wear padded bras to look well endowed.. I don’t quite understand this dichotomy on one hand the lady is fairly conservative and on the other she makes no bones about scanning through DIL’s lingerie and telling her what to wear to look voluptuous !! Gosh and the DIL who happens to be a qualified CA ( and yet is made to stay at home!!) went pink in the face as her MIL encroached on her private life..I wish she’d taken a stand for herself This really annoyed me.. we really need to tell people in a polite and subtle manner : this much and no further.. You can’t really pry into anybody’s private life to such an extent..it is important to draw the line somewhere..Isn’t it ??
I really wish last Friday never happened. If I could I would go back in time and simply skip the day . The helplessness, anguish and pain that I saw in the eyes of a close family member who lost her baby is something I wouldn’t want anyone to experience.. I really wanted to reach out and lessen the pain but words that were meant to offer comfort sounded so empty and hollow to my own ears.The intent is to offer solace and comfort but nothing that one says or does can give comfort. It is perhaps the hardest to reach out to someone who is grieving, they go into pain, denial and sometimes even go into a stony shell which is very hard to break..which makes one feel completely helpless..
Filed under life, Uncategorized
We all embark on writing a story
there are stories that never reach their end
We delude ourselves to think it’ll all be hunky dory
then there is a twist in the tale or sharp bend
We nurture dreams,make plans for years
never quite knowing how it’ll all end :
with a sunny smile or soaked in tears.
I am sure we’ve heard these for ages..it is only recently that I have realised how these small tips come handy when it comes to fighting the stresses and strains of contemporary life
worry less
smile more
let go of grudges
hold on to relationships that matter
add a new skill or hobby
deduct irrational fears
take each day as it comes
give everything your very best
The other day I was watching a television show where a star ( I don’t know whether she merits being called one since she was a mere reality show participant) was cribbing about how being under public glare constantly has gives her absolutely no personal time.. The first question that popped in my head was who told you to participate in an inane reality show in the first place ?? Reality TV is entertaining in bits and parts but mostly it is annoying, irksome and nerve jangling.. Looking at most of these the first thing that strikes me is we’re a country overflowing with so much talent which doesn’t seem to fit into the half a dozen shows on all channels. Every second person it seems can sing, shake a leg or crack silly jokes if nothing else.. Sigh it seems I am amongst the few ordinary souls left in the country who possess no extraordinary skill :lol: What is your take on such shows that showcase ‘talent’ ??
I have just come to realize ( after attending the briefing meeting of a very senior person)that the pre qualification in fact the sole criteria for being the top shot in any company is being wholly and solely self obsessed, being a thorough narcissist, your self love has to border on inanity and you have to love the sound of your own voice !! Whoa now that seems like a tall order for most lesser mortals like me .. Phew
Contrary to what I thought, the weekend passed by in such a whirlwind that there was hardly any time to sit and blink let alone think.. This was one weekend which felt like usual weekdays..Except that I visited a temple which I really wanted to..made me feel so much at peace despite the irrepressible heat and crowd of people climbing on each other heads and stepping on toes !! Gosh ! It was quite an experience.. All said and done..we’ve barely touched Monday and here is sleep starved and lazy me looking forward to the end of this week already and I know myself if I don’t get a much-needed breather I can turn into a crotchety and cranky soul !!
A smile, smirk or a mere sigh
That flash of anger or a painful cry
A ray of hope or sinking in despair
Gut wrenching hatred or a lurking fear
The green-eyed monster or silent rage
These emotions have the power to lock you in a cage
Let no experience good or bad ever bog you down
Seek equanimity so that you sail through and don’t drown
in this whirlpool of emotions callled life
Was just wondering how life is a bundle of contradictions :
We spend the first few years of our life trying to look older in order to be taken seriously and the latter is spent in denying our actual age and trying to look younger !!
All through adolescence we go all out to find ways and means of standing out in the crowd and being different and the our work life is exactly the opposite we go all out to fit in with people around us.
We make mistakes, goof up during our youth and call of these ‘experience’ to be able to give homilies to our children
We keep planning for our future only to reminisce about ‘those were the days’ when we grow old.. Wonder why don’t we consider living in the present instead ?
As our spending power increases we somehow lose the ability to take pleasure in the smaller everyday joys…
We’re continually connected through our blackberries, i phones, and gizmos but we’re communicating less and less with our loved ones and most of all with ourselves.
We have easy access to information at the snap of a finger but we seldom have the time to chew over all that information..
From relationships to food to technology everything is instant yet nothing ever gratifies or satisfies us enough…
Can you think of any such paradoxes which define our life today.. Please feel free to add to this list…
Gurinder Chadda has seriously disappointed her fans with this film.. This film is an over the top portrayal of the Pride and Prejudice’s Bennetesque obsession with finding a suitable match for one’s daughter. One has to struggle hard to look for elements of humour.. The film borders more on gross, macabre and grotesque. It took me a while to digest that this very lady directed an intelligent laugh riot like Bend It Like Beckham.. The only saving grace was Senthil Ramamurthy ( The dishy looking actor of Heroes fame..) On the whole the film turned out to be quite a bummer.
Either I am so out of sync with the times today or I am too much of a prude. Now how I arrived at this conclusion ( I keep arriving at it now and then ) isn’t too long a story . Last week I caught up with a friend from college for a cup of coffee at Barista. She’s been married for almost a year so much of our conversation revolved around marriage, in-laws, squabbles with the spouse and suddenly out of the blue she shoots : So how’s your sex life going ? Ahem I almost choked over my ice tea and mumbled something incoherent and non committal. Luckily, she did not pause and probe some more and went on to talk about hers . And then the other day another friend calls and tells me how her husband is just not interested in sex anymore ( How on earth can I help that,somebody please tell me !! ) Now let me tell you one thing categorically I am not ashamed to talk about birds and bees or I do not believe in shoving such things under the proverbial carpet. I am all for sex education ,creating awareness about protected sex et al.. But when it comes to sharing the nitty-gritty of my private life I am awkward yes I prefer keeping my private life just that private. There are friends who have told me that I am anti-social, too shy or even weird. I am all for girl bonding but for me boundaries are an essential part of any relationship . I don’t believe in letting down my guard in any relationship except the very intimates ones.If only people would learn not ask me probing questions, it would save me the trouble of being vague ( Yes I am such a non-confrontational person , that I would hemm and haw but not tell the person ‘Don’t ask me that) So ask me no probing questions and you’d hear no lies
We all but wear a mask to fool the world around us
Cause we treat life like a race and push ourselves
So that we don’t miss the bus
We don plastic smiles and feign attention
We conceal our anger as wee seethe within
We hide our tears and deny our fears
We were told they aren’t supposed to show
Don’t be a weakling if you want to grow
The trouble will really start
When you can’t tell them apart
There isn’t much left to ask
When the real me becomes a mere shadow
and you become the mask…..
Filed under life, Ramblings, Uncategorized
You walked into my life as if it was just meant to be
I fought your love; I was this recluse and spirit free
With your love, charisma and devotion
You set our story in motion
You helped me break free
Of zany ideas and notions that so far chained me
Until then I lived in a dream world: my sanctuary
You helped me see the life without rose-tinted shades
You gave me the courage to call a spade a spade
You crept into my heart without letting me know
You taught me with patience to express my feelings and show
You’ve always had the power to make me feel whole
Your voice can soothe my jangled nerves and soul
You made me a believer in love from the skeptic I was
You‘re blessed with a warm heart which can give unconditionally without a pause
You have the uncanny ability to see through my sham
You love with your being, despite all that I am.
You can hold me when I sob like a lost child
You have the wisdom to show restraint even when I am fiery and wild.
You’re my confidante, my companion for life and a dear friend
Your love, fortitude, your impish ways is something I’ll treasure right till the end.
The other day this sitcom on television about a 41-year-old man who became putty in his scheming manipulative but sweet talking mother when it came to choosing a bride.The mother would make a sad face and talk her son out of wanting to meet a girl he preferred!! It merely reaffirmed my belief Indian men never truly grow up do they or perhaps they aren’t really allowed to grow up. Partly because their moms never let them… they treat them like infants when they’re well past their 40s and partly because they have been reared to worship the very ground on which their moms tread .Their world revolves around seeking approval from their Moms..Right from doing their laundry to cooking for them to ironing their clothes I have come across mothers of men in their late forties who ‘mother’ them as if they’re mere infants!! It’s quite a sight. Most of such Oedipal ( Greek mythology merits credit for this contribution to human psychology one can’t find a better Mama’s boy than Oedipus ) men never really marry cause “Mama darling” approves of no woman for her sonny boy.. And if they ever happen to settle down ( usually post 40) their wives are miserable creatures cause whatever the poor girl might do, it is not as good as what Mama does !!
It applies the other way round too Dads and their daughters have a special bond too, I have no qualms about admitting that I was out-and-out daddy’s little girl; pampered silly by my dad who gave into so many of my unreasonable demands.. But credit to him and my mom he never encouraged any of us children to become emotionally dependent on them and reared us to make our own decisions and accepted them gracefully.
At the risk of sounding judgemental I’d say a lot depends on how one’s own marriage is.. if one isn’t in a happy, fulfilling relationship with the spouse one might stand at the risk of turning into an emotionally manipulative parent who fosters dependence..Since it fulfills one’s own need to feel wanted and validated.. But mothers who encourage such symbiotic relationships seldom realise they are doing more harm than good-by infantilising their sons who then develop unrealistic expectations and feel the world owes them a living …They end up in troubled relationships and are so entangled in the web of guilt which their moms weave for them ..
I wonder whether all this will ever change ?? All I can hope for is I don’t end up becoming such a stifling mom whenever I do become a parent cause I have this niggling suspicion we sometimes end up becoming that which we detest or dislike intensely !!
The Indian obsession with food( especially the rich,sinful variety) is no secret. At times it appears to me we Indians live to eat rather than the other way round. Our entry into the world is celebrated with our parents feeding all and sundry… For that matter every occasion revolves around gastronomic delights that are dished out to feed relatives ( who would crib about the food come what may !! )Celebrations and rich, sinfully oily food are almost synonymous. Planning for a wedding always starts with planning the menu first ..The bigger and more varied the fare the better it is . It doesn’t end at that… many men still choose a wife based on her culinary skills and her ability to churn out fancy meals to impress his peers and bosses !! ( Thank god lesser mortals like me who can barely rustle up a meal also manage to settle down mercifully ) The love affair with spices,curries and condiments doesn’t end here,stereotypical Indian mothers ( especially in the northern part of the country ) shower affection on their already well fed children by making them gorge on all kinds of fancy fare..We show how hospitable or welcoming we are by force-feeding our guests. Among Punjabis it is customary for a host to stuff a visitor’s plate even if he shakes his head vehemently and refuses to being served further :roll: I am quite a foodie myself and have a sweet tooth which I have a hard time containing..but still the Indian love affair with never ceases to amuse me.. But I’ve come to realise that this preoccupation is quite an essential part of what defines being Indian
is the title of Santosh Desai’s latest book.. A social commentator and a columnist with the Times of India, Desai succeeds in bringing out the quirks and eccentricities that constitute of being Indian. The book is about new India emerging out of the folds of the past. Desai’s keen observation and quick wit make this book a breezy read. For instance he brings out the fact that we’re a consumerist society today since the great Indian middle class once saw self-denial as a heroic trait.
Desai’s stint in advertising with McCann Ericsson reflects heavily as he examines and gives us an incisive critique of media images of the India that was and the country that we have become today.. From the mere pass Ma hai when a woman was seen as mother of all to the contemporary mom who is a friend,confidante yet monitors her child’s health as well as school life.. He studied matrimonial advertisements over 30 years and notes the shift from boasting about the family to a search for handsome mates, preferably fair. The older ads conveyed mysterious advantages like ‘mother pious lady’ or ‘brother settled in USA’, the alliance being one of families than of a couple. That has changed…
These and many more are snapshots from the book..In a nutshell Desai is quite successful in chronicling the great Indian middle class. Worth a read if only for the snappy , humorous style.
As the 63rd Independence Day just passed by, my ever so inquisitive mind can’t help raising a few questions. Are we really free? If yes, how do you see freedom? Does freedom of thought and action figure in your list somewhere as it does in mine? Do you cringe when we’re bifurcated on flimsy grounds such as caste and sub-caste? Yes, we breathe free and have a democracy that functions (So it seems!!), but in spirit and thought, we are still bound by shackles. Our freedom is trampled upon in the name of caste, state, religion, tradition and custom. The worst part is there isn’t even a murmur of protest or dissent, forget raising the voice There are no doubts about the fact that media manufactured and advertising endorsed images of Independence and freedom are lapped up by our entire nation. Films on the freedom movement have been well received, too. I really am no exception. Every time, I hear A.R. Rahman’s Vande Mataram rendition, my heart swells up with pride. Whenever I see Amir Khan in the Incredible India Athithi Devo Bhav Campaign, I’m all eyes and ears. But there really is a long distance to go as far as freedom of thought and action is concerned in our society. We’ve come a long as a country, and the media has more than done its job of portraying it to the world. Surveys and statistics show us progressing in everything from per capita income to GDP. Coming back to where I started from, how free are we, especially in the realm of thought? If we really practiced freedom of thought, would there be any honour killings at all? Would the female sex-ratio be such an apology for statistics? Would men like Rahul Mahajan, who make a living out of beating their wives, merit any airspace or find mention in print? If we were truly free in spirit and thought, would inhuman and brutal practices like female foeticide exist, let alone flourish? Would a rapist or eve teaser get away by saying that the victim asked for it, with her dressing style or even worse be asked to marry the victim? Would housewives be clubbed with beggars and prostitutes in the census? It’s so easy to pass the buck and move on with the business of living. After all how does it affect our lives? Why should we ponder over these questions? It is easy to play the helpless pigeon that shuts his eyes to trouble, pretending it doesn’t exist anymore. We have a choice; either dismiss these questions and treat Independence Day like just another holiday or treat it just we do in case of any other festival or holiday. Or sit up and take cognizance of the fact that our social fabric is disintegrating, of the duplicity and double standards that are eating us hollow. Perhaps at the ripe age of 63, the India I see is still grappling and struggling with what to do with its freedom .An awkward adolescent trying to find its feet, trying to put its best forward, not yet prepared to deal with its own dark side, not yet mature enough to critique itself. A spoilt teenager, who refuses to accept her shortcomings. The real challenge is to help this adolescent become a fully functioning adult. The choice we make today will determine how we are seen tomorrow.
If only
I could hold time in my hand
If only
I could stop you from slipping away like sand
If only
I could wash away all hurt and pain
If only
I could dance like a child in the rain
If only
I could go back and live my life again
I wonder why is it such a human trait to live life in retrospect. We seldom live in the present and instead keep going back into the past hoping we’d lived life differently .I am still trying and someday hope to learn to relish the present moment and live a live of no regrets
When time begins to leave its traces on our faces , we hold on to everything we shouldn’t grudges, hurt, and anger. As children we’re fluid, we hurt, forget and move on, as adults we develop such a stick in the mud attitude. Our habits, notions; get crystallized and hardened. The child in us is reprimanded and seldom allowed to have a say.Spontaneity and impulse give way to a very guarded and doctored self who parrots what is expected and socially acceptable.Sometimes to such an extent that we no longer recognize ourselves, our contrived self becomes our reality. Off late I’ve been contemplating a lot about why we adults burden ourselves with unnecessary baggage , we wear our past mistakes , anger and grudges like an albatross around our necks. We’re the inventors of our own misery and despondence. I am discovering how letting go is such a cathartic experience. It is so liberating to just let go and be a clean slate, chew each experience and relish it without permitting the shadows of the past to colour your experience. Then why squelch the voice of the inner child ? I wonder why…
If I could feel the wind blowing on my face
If I could let things take their own pace
If I could set myself free from all fears
If I could not hold back those tears
If I could live my life again
If I could feel those drops of rain
If I could walk this path alone
If I could stop hearts from turning to stone
If I could have all that I so yearn
there would be nothing to look forward to or learn !!
If you’ve ever looked back in time you would know
In retrospect it all goes with the flow
What seemed like pain, hurt and loss yesterday
Is what leaves you stronger and wiser today
While the present and future seldom make sense
It all seems to be connected to your past tense
The missing pieces of the eternal puzzle suddenly fit
The purpose of your life seems clearer bit by bit
How come it all seems so right
only in hindsight ?
A wordsmith, a litterateur and idealist
Making a difference to lives is always on your list
Touching lives, giving people a patient ear
You assuage many people’s fear
Ever so patient, loving and kind
You’ve always lived a life of the mind
With a sage like countenance
You’ve always given in abundance
A loving father, a husband par excellence
You light up our lives with your dynamic presence
Happy Birthday Dad Here are my Birthday wishes..trying to reach out to you..from miles apart …
Filed under Ramblings, Relationships
Life has myriad shades and hues
Bright yellow for the days soaking in sunshine and a solemn grey for the blues
A feisty green for prosperity and plenty , ravishing red is both renegade and passion
Black for self camouflage and obscurity and pink for effeminacy and compassion
White for all that is pristine and primeval and violet for mystique and enigma
Ocean blue for stillness and tranquility and blazing auburn for charisma
These tints and shades liven up our composition
Blending our palettes to create them is life’s expedition
Magnetism was her second name
She played life-like a casual game
She played it like no one did
Her tricks were veiled and well hid
Her face was bereft of all emotion
Her heart was like the deep ocean
She ruled the world with a dangerous charm
Her intense gaze had the power to disarm
She never betrayed her true mind
Not a crease. nor wince when she went through the grind
The world labeled her wicked , gave her a stigma
I would see her as a magnificent enigma
Caught in a vortex of conflicting emotions
Between volatility of volcanoes and tranquility of oceans
Between the despondency of darkness and buoyancy of light
Between the lucidity of day and inscrutability of night
Between the impermeability of rocks and porosity of sand
Between fickleness of air to tenacity of land
Between joie de vivre to sheer temperance
Why let passions eclipse our existence?
When we branch out on our own..we’re raw, naive and unabashed. I still remember when I first left home to work, I was a tad too idealistic and was brimming with enthusiasm. Almost four years down the line, a few hard knocks from life, a lot of lessons later I am a tad wiser..not really there but at least I have more realistic expectations of love, life and work..But sometimes I really miss the energy I then possessed and the foolish optimistic streak which made me believe I could change the world !! I was perpetually air-borne living in a world of my making. Being on terra firma has its advantages; you’re more of a realist, you learn to tackle life’s complexities, untie the knots and understand what really makes the world tick.. But somehow I am still miles away from being street smart and smart Alecky..perhaps what ever might happen .with time it’s dawned on me.one’s core essentially remains the same.. what one values, cherishes, believes in, what moves you, makes you cry, what makes you feel vulnerable; doesn’t change and for that I am eternally grateful. The day I stop reacting , lose my joie-de-vivre.. and become atrophied will be the day my spirit wares down…It is a constant endeavour to keep that flame burning, that spirit alive, to keep the inner child tickled , to see the world with rose-tinted glasses sometimes …this is what makes life worthwhile…
We women are too hard on ourselves.nothing we do is ever good enough in our eyes ! We’re just so self deprecatory and a tad too modest for our own good. We might have it all going for us, including a career yet we seek validation from our loved ones, it is from our intimate relationships ( or lack of them!) that we derive our sense of self worth. We can be assertive with the world and yet become putty in the hands of our loved ones. Our inherent vulnerability, the way we put our hearts naked, unarmed on our palms and let the world pound over it. The way we let our hearts rule our head,the way we let emotions get the better of us..We put everyone before ourselves, try to stretch, try hard to fit in with everyone and go all out to please everyone..and often end up pleasing none! I often wonder why are we wired like that ? I beat myself about it and keep waxing eloquent with my mom and sister about how we women need to be emotionally tougher..yet sometimes you can tire yourself fighting your natural impulses but they still manage to get the better of you !
A silent spectator was she
Cause this all she chose to be
A mere observer and bystander she was
She felt this is how she could win applause
Her hunger for approval and acceptance was so strong
No wonder she held back even when people were wrong
Till one day the dam of patience wore down
Her mask of forbearance was replaced by a frown
She thought that was the end of the world
Till it dawned on her that her true self had finally unfurled
The burden of pleasing all and sundry gave way
Self Assurance and authenticity instead came to stay
She felt a weight vanish off her back; sensed an incredible lightness of being
She saw life anew, which a coloured perception prevented her from seeing
We bend backwards, twist and turn to a point where we’re lost
It is wise to adapt and appease but never at our own cost
Beauty lies in the little imperfections we struggle to disguise
It has absolutely nothing to do with shape or size
It lies in the curl of our lips when we smile
In the arc of the waist that endeavours to beguile
In the stray strands of hair that kiss your forehead
In our quirks and eccentricities that we so dread
In the twinkle of the eyes that make life worthwhile
It can be seen in the ability to wear several hats; grow versatile
Perceived in the spring of a step and impishness awhile
Reflects in a heart abundant with gratitude and sans grudges and guile
It comes with the sagacity of cultivating a distinctive sense of style
In the courage to endure and conquer life’s each travail and trial
It lies in the ability to look beyond our selves and go that extra mile
Revealed in the poise to embrace the traces of time with grace
Apparent in the emotions and passions that animate your face
Allure shines through knowing we’re loved warts and all
Beauty reflects in the times when overcoming hurdles we emerge tall
Dear all, this post has been posted as an entry for the Indiblogger contest around What real beauty means to me If you think it fit, do vote for this post here
When I look back tomorrow
I’d like to look at the joys over sorrow
When I look back tomorrow
I’d like to reminisce what I could give rather than what I desired to borrow
When I look back tomorrow
I’d like a life wholesome and full,not bare and hollow
When I look back tomorrow
I want to evoke a productive life and not one left fallow
When I look back tomorrow
I’d rather unearth what I helped create and find rather than what I had to follow
When I look back tomorrow
I ‘d ruminate life of the mind and spirit free, unbridled and generous not a life in a lane rather linear and narrow
I’ve had my heart splintered into smithereens
I’ve confronted the proverbial demons and fiends
I’ve soared to peaks of sheer delight
I’ve felt the abysmal depth of the night
I’ve experienced an ominous volcanic rage
I’ve found the calmness, serenity of a sage
I’ve weathered the tempest and thunder
I’ve nurtured child-like wonder
I’ve used free will to go on a rampage
I’ve locked my feelings in a forgotten cage
I’ve been an explorer on a perpetual dredge
Life for me has been on the emotional edge
It took some time and a minuscule wisdom to sink in
that I don’t have to be picture-perfect and thin
To be loved to distraction and love endlessly in return
All I need is a heart brimming adoration and concern
A mind with its windows open to every possibility
A remarkable sensitivity and artistic sensibility
A pair of eyes to discern and know
What needs to be nipped and what should grow
A pair of hands to be held and hold
A confidante whom you trust enough to grow old
I’ve given myself a long rope
I won’t give up hoping against hope
I’ll never cease trying
Yes I shall soar and start flying
I will take the road not taken
No hurdle can now leave me shaken
I will tread along in the eternal quest
I am geared up to face life’s test
With my eyes set on the stars
This sojourn will be etched in my memoirs
There’s a sadness in your eyes which you’re struggling to mask
There are questions in your eyes which you never quite ask
There are unspent tears which you quietly imbibed
There are scars in the heart so deeply inscribed
There’s a song in your head which you don’t let the lips hum
There are passions so volatile yet you stay numb
I wonder why you’ve caged your feelings, what could have gone so wrong
To make you choose a solitary sojourn and swan song
Don’t clip their wings
Just teach them to fly
Don’t tread on their dreams
Inspire them to touch the sky
Don’t cage their desires
Spur them on to vie
Don’t curb their ingenuousness
Stand by them when they try
Don’t impose on them your judgment and opinions
Encourage them to grasp ways of the world with an imaginative eye
There are times when we listen to it, sometimes merely shrug it off and at others merely ignore its very existence. Yes I am talking about that unsettling, niggling voice in your head, the one that sows the seed for self-doubt, the voice that makes you feel unloved, wallow in self-pity. The devil in all of us that gets the better of us sometimes…We human beings have it in us to be our best friends and our own worst enemies. That familiar yet disconcerting feeling that sets in and sets the stage for fear and a sense of inadequacy in taking life head on… At some point in time we all find ourselves wrestles with that voice in our head. Sometimes we’re able to overcome it, at others it overpowers us and gets the better of us! Till the time we don’t make peace with ourselves, keep fighting our instincts, the voice will only keep getting louder. The day you learn to face it…You would encounter that the voice quietly fades away. Maturity is really about accepting oneself with one’s insecurities, fears and doubts and coming to terms with the fact that we’re all human and don’t need to grin and bear it all the time. We have our failings, our Achilles heel, and our flaws but in no way do we need to beat ourselves in our head about these imperfections.
Staring into nothingness
She gazed out of the French window`
The veneer of darkness
Made her azure eyes glow
She looked at the sparkling night sky
The silver moon played hide and seek
Not a soul in sight to hear her cry
She could hear the silence of the night speak
She could feel the nocturnal stillness
Percolate into her parched soul
She felt with the night a rare oneness
A quiet smile touched her lips as she felt whole
It isn’t the anger, it is your indifference
The sheer refusal to acknowledge my existence
Am I here only to be seen not heard?
My feelings and opinions are trivial words
You look through me day and night
You can’t see me holding on with all my might
Bending backward to your fancies and notion
I am on the road to becoming a puppet sans emotion
You can’t see the unshed tears well up
You can’t see the bonds that bind us crack up
The inertia and apathy which have now become common
Make me seek sanctuary in being the invisible woman
Eyes meet
Sparks Fly
Your heart misses a beat
You’re on an adrenaline high
And you think it’s love
You feel your cheeks flush
when you come face to face
You can feel the blood rush
and your hearts finds a new pace
And you think it’s love
You look in one direction
You agree to disagree
You feel an emotional connection
You put we over me
You feel secure enough to unmask
You get answers even before you ask
And you know it’s love
When the soul is riddled with a strange sense of restlessness
When you can perceive the beacon light in stark darkness
When the mind is firm and finds balance
When you discover your own cadence
It’s time to embark on a voyage of breathing life into your dreams
It’s time to flow with the change of gushing streams
We’re such a lot of nosey parkers and voyeurs aren’t we? Especially Celebrities and their babies can keep us glued to our Televisions and PCs like nothing can !! I am referring to a certain Bachchan clan and the nation’s obsession with them. News channels seem to amble on endlessly about how the Big B’s grand-daughter is the future Miss World, how she resembles Aishwarya …blah blah blah.. If we were to be half as interested in our own lives as we are in those of celebrities..it would do us a world of good I would always pity celebrities for being under the constant glare and gaze of the media. But it took my slow self some time to fathom they thrive and bask the undiluted attention !!
Speaking of media..can we forget the potent power the social media wields today ?? Whether its promoting a rather average film like RaOne, taking potshots at Sharad Pawar being at the receiving end of the ire of a rather tempestuous gentleman ( who’s acquired celeb status overnight !!) or the rather mundane and monotonous song Why This Kolaveri Di which has taken the digital world by storm overnight ( I am still trying to figure out what made this such a hit !!)
Undoubtedly we have the power to air our opinions and access to information and events in real-time..but have we ever paused and thought of airing these opinions responsibly. Anything goes on to become a rage or hype with a little push on the Twitters and Facebooks of the world.. I just we’ve just let the distinctions blur and blend and are so overpowered by ” social” opinion that we fail to make choices for ourselves !! I say all this without the intention of trying to influence your opinion by the way
It wasn’t long ago when I turned into a woman possessed, glowering with envy and rage! It was if my whole life had gone topsy turvy and all because of some new babe on the block .I still dread the day me and my husband went shopping when suddenly he stopped, saw her and our lives changed forever…
He was so besotted with that sultry slim beauty .The first time he saw her, his jaw dropped and he was hooked for life. Her agility, compact and easy-going manners had him love struck. He said she made him feel like a different man altogether. He would even flaunt her to all his buddies and they too couldn’t stop swooning over her. And what happened to poor moi?
Well, the green-eyed monster had engulfed my heart and head by this time. I became a mere spectator to their daily rendezvous. How did this sleek sultry stunner out of nowhere ensnare the poor, naïve and unsuspecting husband of mine, I’d ask myself wallowing in the oceans of self-pity and misery. I spent months together pouting and pining, but to no avail. It was as if I no longer existed for my husband. Our conversations were nothing but me talking animatedly and he would simply hem and haw. I would rave and rant but when these two were together, they were so lost to the world. If I had my way I would simply have her out of our lives forever, but the way my husband guarded her like a secret treasure, I didn’t have half a chance at it.
I’d stamp, scream or simply go up in smoke, but that did nothing to distract my husband from this black beauty. I sulked and watched them drown in each other eyes. She would light up when she saw him and he would hold her as gently as he could and spend hours gazing at her and talking to her. I would merely pout, glower and look on glumly! By this time I was at the end of my tether. I’d had enough.
I turned into a scheming, devious villainous woman with nothing but vengeance on her mind. I plotted and planned for days together before I spotted him one day while browsing the net and knew it from word go he could be the perfect armament for my sweet revenge. With his smooth, lithe body and looks to die for he could be my savior! He was such eye candy, incredibly attractive and unbelievably charming.
Just like me he was fiery red, passionate contemporary and extremely flexiblw. In him I saw a mirror image of my enthusiastic and precocious self. He was such a live wire and exuded sheer dynamism and oodles of charm. Like me he too had a mind of his own and showed he was capable of thinking quickly on his feet, what dexterity! He could make me do what I had been struggling for months now. Make my husband stand up and take notice of me. The first time I conspired for my husband to see us together, he looked on wide-eyed and if I am not too wrong, I even saw traces of envy in the gullible husband’s eyes. I just couldn’t stop grinning from ear to ear. My husband’s black beauty paled in comparison and within a day or two my raging red companion had him hooked too. Ah! I’d finally got retribution. Now I’ve made peace with black beauty, the husband is no longer so besotted with her, and I have eyes only for my partner in crime, my scarlet savior who’s managed to mesmerize the hubby as well.
People, before you start getting too many scandalous and zany ideas about how clandestine and madcap a couple we are…If you think we’re flighty youngsters contributing to the country’s moral depravation, please hold your horses, because there’s just a little something I still need to tell you. My husband’s black beauty is his Blackberry Torch and my raging red Greek god is my dell red notebook No prizes for guessing if you already figured that out!!
The entry has been written as part of Indiblogger contest & Dell contest Change Is Easy ! If you do think it worthy vote here To get a sneak peek of the new Dell Inspiron R laptops please click here
Filed under Humour
Image via Wikipedia
If you can hold your own
at the tempest of fury
If you can amidst chaos
find your sanctuary
If in seething rage
you don’t spit fire
If the weak and vulnerable
are never at the receiving end
of all your ire
If in a moment
of sheer weakness
you chose silence
over verbal barrage or violence
If you can manage a smile
when your patience wears thin
Then my friend you’ve triumphed
over the wild beast within
Bitter-sweet yearnings
of days gone by
Of longings and dreams
to reach out to the sky
Snippets of silken threads
that the mind wants to unravel
Of moments and messages
that stayed with me in this travel
Of the grains of sand
that I won’t let slip away
Of those footprints engraved in the
backyard of time that will
forever stay
Over the years I have discovered several new things about myself. Some good, some bad and some rather perplexing. For one I am one of those less privileged souls who has always burnt her fingers and learnt her lessons. I’ve never been quick enough to draw lessons from other people’s’ lives. Perhaps I have my impetuosity and enthusiasm to blame for that. But what I thought was a major drawback with time isn’t turning out half as bad as I thought . Along the way I’ve figured when you learn something through direct experience it stays embedded in your psyche and becomes a part of you. When I look back and think of the days when I made some rather silly mistakes, fell down, trawled my way through troubles..I was learning what I needed to learn and undoubtedly it is standing me in good stead in my present. Not to sound rather pompous , it isn’t that I have arrived and learnt all that I could learn..there’s still a lot to experience, a lot to gather and absorb ..It is just that now time’s taught me to open up to experiences both joyful and painful and embrace them with my arms wide open.. Time has taught me to experience everything in totality and to its utter depth.. I no longer shut my eyes in denial or bury my head in the sand like an ostrich..I look forward to each day and each relish each experience …I no longer fear making mistakes and perhaps that has been the greatest lesson that life’s taught me !
Image via Wikipedia
When the road I traversed
all my life diverged to
a steep slope
All I had to do was
to look within
and ask Him for
a little love and a
lot of hope
And then the wind
of faith and hope
parted the curtains
of doubt and
gave me the courage to conquer
and not alone cope
Her eyes were the mirror
To a heart guileless and clear
They shone with the radiance
Of absence of malice and fear
Yet they couldn’t see
What was obviously true
Cause they were only too eager
To misconstrue
The absence of guilt and fear
Was seen as sheer arrogance and deception
She had a demeanour as serene
As the calm sea breeze
Yet they saw her as too eager to please
She had a smile that could
Enchant and enrapture the heart
Yet they saw it as artifice
A well cultivated art
Such are the vagaries of the human mind
We choose to colour our perception to see
What we desire or simply turn blind!
They can either make you
Bond or sometimes bind
They are intricately patterned
And finely intertwined
They can scuttle you with a
Volley of questions or
Give you those elusive answers
You seek to find
They can empower you
With freedom of choice
They can chain your spirit
And choke your inner voice
These fragile gossamers can
Become the source of peace of mind
These delicate bonds can sometimes
Make you go through the grind
They can be the salve to
Your wounded suffering soul
At times they burn your being
Like the soot of smouldering coal
They need be nurtured with
Care, Love and tenderness
And when these ties reach and impasse
And become the cause for sheer duress
You should know there is nothing
To tie you down or make you stay
Just lift your head with all your might
And choose to gracefully walk away
I splashed the bare canvas of my life
With myriad hues and shades
The red of raging passion
And the verdant green of grass blades
The azure of silken skies
The somber pearl for silent cries
The cheery auburn for boundless joy
What I couldn’t wash away with a colour splash
The qualms and self doubt in grey and ash
The specks of tainted tan and bleak brown
For the wrinkled forehead and inevitable worried frown
I managed to blend my palette with a pristine and peaceful white
To tone the jagged edges and get the composition right
Filed under Uncategorized
Why do the winds of change make us uncomfortable and restless ? Why do we insist on maintaining status quo and carrying on without bothering to change either ourselves or our environment. Status quo gives us a strange sort of comfort and complacency while change always forces us to take stock, question , think and if need be even bend and be flexible enough to adapt.I’ve been grappling to assuage these thoughts clouding my head and tell myself that change isn’t a monster to be shunned in fact it’s something I need to learn to embrace ..Life means changing each day and moulding yourself, letting go of old beliefs, embracing new ones..Shunning change really means saying no to life.. Change doesn’t necessarily mean the end of life as I know it today
Filed under Uncategorized
The feel of the morning dew
against my skin
Letting the sea breeze
seep deep within
The caresses of the silver
clouds and azure sky
The smiling sun and
serene sea coming nigh
The verdant green expanse
embracing the gravelled terrain
Enraptured by nature’s soulful symphony
I discovered my inner harmony
Filed under Uncategorized
In every word and action
You only see a fraction
In every gesture and gaze
You can see my wayward ways
In every thought and desire
I reveal sparks of the soul’s fire
In every tear drop
You can see the vulnerability
I try to stop
In every smile I show
There’s a secret
You’ll never know
If you ever put the jigsaw pieces together
Perhaps you’ll know the real me better
Until then let me don the veneer
Of not letting anyone get near
Have your ever felt ?
the wind in the sapphire sky
the sails of a ship sailing by
delight of scaling a mountain peak high
elation of succeeding in the first try
That is how the heart soars
with the sensation of pure ecstasy
running through your existence
the joi de vivre of being at liberty
If I was asked to choose
And pick another person’s shoes
I wouldn’t give a second thought
Without fretting or being fraught
This is something I am sure about
And there isn’t a room for doubt
Despite all my faults and imperfections
Finding myself at crossroads and intersections
I’ll choose to walk again
Battling the pressures and the pain
And I won’t succumb to camouflage and ruse
I’ll choose to walk unabashed in my own shoes
I’ll choose my own rhythm and pace
Cause it’s against myself that I
Am running this race
What am I
But a tiny speck
In the colossal mortal sky
What is the Raison d’être
For my existence
To learn to resonate
Lessons of patience, fortitude
And persistence
What do I want to be
An unchained, mellifluous melody
A thin line between
perception and deception
Learning how not to transgress
means evolving; progress
A fine line difference between
assertion and aggression
Learning to strike a balance
with sheer nonchalance
is coming of age
Learning how to direct your ire
into a belly seething with passion and fire
Isn’t the hallmark of a sage
It merely symbolizes coming of age
It was a picture perfect life
No struggle no strife
To the world it would seem
Like living a dream
There wasn’t more
she could ask for
Yet it didn’t quite
touch her core
She wasn’t in grip
of sheer discontentment
Neither were their traces
of buried bitterness and resentment
She harboured an air of restlessness
The sedate and stable weighed her
down and made life weary and tedious
She craved excitement and an
all-encompassing passion
She wasn’t cut out for frivolous fashion
She craved the depth of the ocean
and yearned to soar the azure skies
She desired to fly high
She wanted a mouthful of sky
She ached to touch the tempest and yet
come back to a comfortable nest
She wanted a canvas to express
her creative leaning
and courage to nurture the fire in her
belly to give her life
more substance and meaning
Sitting at the window sill
Watching life pass me by
I’d wait for the pieces
To fall together
For the mist to part
And make way
For fair weather
But then I discovered
The wait was ceaseless
And interminable
Life isn’t a fairy tale or fable
Where things change at
The snap of a finger
Or Touch of A wand
I had to learn to clear the
Clouds in my head
And look beyond
To seize the moment
And take the bull by its horn
Instead of being lost and forlorn
It was time to be
The change I so yearned to see
Somewhere in the crevices of our minds
Dwell half-baked; fledgling ideas
That never saw the light of day
Somewhere in those dark alleys of our cognizance
Wrestle sparks that never quite found the wind
To become full-fledged flames of faith
Somewhere in the fragments of our consciousness
Burrow idealistic notions that bite dust
Ever since reality tread all over them
Meandering through a street
Cobbled with pebbles of reality
I amble on seeking refuge in the realm of thought
That can help me evade the banality
Of a humdrum existence
I strum my own tune
And hum a solitary song
I refuse to conform to straitlaced
Notions of what’s right or wrong
I’ve learnt to shed the burden
Of trying to be someone I’m not
And this is just the beginning
Of unraveling and disentangling
The mind’s knot
They soothe, they mar
sometimes they leave a
deep-seated scar
They caress
they sting
Sometime sheer bliss
and sometimes rage
they bring
They hurt and heal
and tell the world
how you feel
They strike a chord
They can reveal all
and yet leave room for
a feeling rather blurred
Once you’ve parted with it
There’s no coming away
from your words
Traversing through the obfuscated landscape
Called life
Managing to make some sense of all
The chaos and strife
Learning to make music
From the jarring notes of judgmental voices
Knowing how to believe
And stand up for my choices
Seeking to blend with the milieu
And yet stand apart
Not drifting but to flow like a gushing stream
In matters of the heart
Beyond all the malice, deceit and disguise
I’ve learnt to nurture
My own little paradise
Filed under Uncategorized
Those thoughts that cloud the mind
Leaving a trail of confusion behind
They clutter the brain
Like a torrential shower of rain
They raise such noise and din
That sheer patience starts to wear thin
To add to this mental maze
The winter gust and breeze
Leaves me completely numb
And before can even contemplate a retort
It makes my feelings freeze
Life is in the moments
We seek to grasp and seize
Sometimes ecstatic
And buoyant
Others dark
And despondent
We con ourselves into thinking
We can cage these ephemeral
Moments and mould them
Into eternal impressions
The ravages of time
Teach us lasting lessons
The warmth of the sun
Shining bright
Or the despair of the
Dark endless night
Dance like the shadows
In life’s looking glass
Eventually nothing
Is eternal
They all have to pass
She conjured up technicolour dreams
In her vivid, vibrant imaginings
She learned to breathe life into her dreams
And lend them wings
She lent a chutzpah to her
Mundane vanilla existence
With her effervescent life of the mind
She became apt at cherishing
A delight from the grind
Iridescent hues of hope
Urging you to take
A leap of faith
Guiding you to cope
With the peaks and troughs
The smooth and the rough
Incandescent flame of love
Burning bright it will beguile
Making the rocky road ahead
Seem so worthwhile
As the memories start to blur
And the mist begins to settle
On the wheels of time that whirl
Let us ponder and pause
On the year that was
Of the bittersweet moments
Those still linger on
The softness of the sun’s rays
At the crack of dawn
And the solace of the moon
Shining bright
On a starless night
Of the love and warmth
That circled around the soul
Of resonating laughter and smiles
Wish I could cage them in a glass bowl
Some pungent, some spice
There are reminiscences which
Still ask me to pay a price
The memories we weave
Shall change their veneer
Year after year
What remains unblemished
By the constant motion
Of the wheels of time
Is the generosity of spirit?
And the gushing stream
of emotion
The love gets stronger
With the each passing year
And conquers and surmounts
The dark cloud of fear
It is indeed astonishing
How with the creases of time
For no reason or rhyme
We acquire with perfection
The fine art of deception
How we learn to conceal
And begin to concoct what to reveal
How those unfathomable eyes
Mask a thousand naked lies
Beneath a lot of noise and din
We learn to drown the
Zephyr storm brewing within
Below a visage as calm as a saint
There is seething rage threatening to taint
We cook up tales and disguises we don
Furtively rejoicing it’s the world we’re out to con
Until the day we wake up and figure
All our lives we’ve only hoodwinked
our reflections in the mirror
New beginnings are
Often seen as
Harbingers of faith and hope
Sometimes they ask of us
To walk a tight rope
And stretch beyond the
Barricades of our mind
To embrace life anew
Shedding all fears behind
Test the limits of
Strength and resistance
And walk the whole distance
Between naiveté and experience
Nebulous thoughts
Cloud the gaze
Moods float
In Purple Haze
A surge of emotion
Ebbs and flows
Yet the crease on
Her forehead
Seldom shows
The turbulent storm
Brewing within
Cause bitter or sweet
She would always drink it in
They crawl all over our fragmented soul
Like a supple snake curling around a tree
They burn you like smouldering coal
And never let you break free
It starts with a slight spark
And then leads you into
The dismal dreary dark
They feed on your anguish
And then nothing can extinguish
Their sweltering flame
They cage your being
There’s no point fleeing
The only way to exorcise these demons
My friend
Is to face to look them in the eye
and face them till the end
Words left unsaid
books half read
Festering violence
Smouldering silence
Emotions pent
Dreams unspent
Fragments of desire
Seething Ire
Leading a dredge
To live on the edge
Filed under Uncategorized
Thinking Aloud
I’m a restless soul…passivity and inactivity really get my goat. I’m quite fascinated and perplexed by people who can look at the idiot box or a phone for hours together without so much as batting an eyelid. They seem so absorbed and oblivious to their surroundings , as if they’re on some other planet mentally.The idiot box has become for many people a safe refuge from communicating and conversing with each other, rather a haven that lets you avoid any form of human contact. It punctuates the awkward silences we would otherwise encounter..I too am an avid television watcher, but somehow it doesn’t have the ability to hold me and engage me so entirely that I am lost to the world outside. The same goes for all other forms of technology be it a Smart-phone, a snazzy laptop or any smart device. What can engage me instead is an invigorating conversation, a passionate argument or anything that involves human contact. The more we relate with gadgets, the lesser we’ve started to relate in person !!
Leave a Comment
Filed under life, Ramblings, Random Thoughts which wouldn't find a place elsewhere
Tagged as a comment on our times, life, meanderings, observations, random rambles, random rants, random thoughts, reflections