Seize the moment

We live for the moment and we die in moments. I wonder why we fret over the future or dwell on the past, while all we ever have is a sequence of moments. Life is interspersed across those peals of laughter, in the eyes that brim over with tears, in the curve of lips that silently twist into a smile or in an energizing effervescent exchange of ideas. Life is squeezed between the moments when you reach out to someone in need, or when someone wipes off those tears, in moments when you give of yourself without expecting anything in return. When you stand up for what you believe in or brush your knees after a fall. Moments where you rise from the ashes or start from scratch.  Life is transient, ever-changing, always evolving and yet we hold on, cling to its familiarity, hang on to its sameness. Seize these moments, yet let go of them. Carry their essence and yet leave room to embrace new experiences.

Latent expectations

Unshed tears

Unspoken fears

Half-baked conversations

Simmering speculations

Feelings which were

Buried beneath the mundane

Forgotten smidgen of

Pleasure and pain

They lay strewn

And crumpled

In the creases

Of time that

Flows between us

They lie there

Restless and listless

Waiting to be embraced

Aching to be owned

Yet we amble on

In laden silence

Letting them hang

In the air pregnant with meaning

Waiting for them

To dissolve in

The foggy winter of

Our prosaic existence

Love doesn’t die

Love doesn’t die

It hides in nooks and

Corners like an errant

Insolent child

Waiting to be humored

And indulged again

Love doesn’t fade in a flash

It languishes silently

Flickers quietly like an ephemeral flame

Waiting to be resurrected

Love doesn’t walk

Out of the window

It is jostled and pushed

Beneath the carpet

Of guilt and unspoken feelings

Beneath the comfortable

Couch of conjecture and assumptions

Love doesn’t break down

It fumbles and stumbles

Waiting for us to reclaim it with

A firm hand and a steady glance

Walk it back to where it belongs

Dancing Demons

We seek refuge

In togetherness

Drown ourselves i the noise

And din of daily existence

Thinking it’ll quell

Our loneliness

Thinking it’ll drive away

The shadows that consume us

Intimacy and attachment

Are but mirrors

Where we see our ugliest

Demons come alive

And stamp at our weary

Weathered souls

They whisper into

Our impressionable minds

Feast on our supple thoughts

Until we no longer pay them heed

And watch with detached longing

As into the distance they

Begin to recede.

Of Letting Dreams Die….

“Dream and give yourself permission to envision a You that you choose to be.”

Ever so often I have noticed people give up dreams, longings and wishes because the significant others in their lives usually parents and spouse don’t approve of them or don’t take them seriously. And we human beings especially women  are ever willing to be martyrs to keep peace in the relationships that matter. We choose to  just give up the wishes and use others as the convenient excuse for doing so.. It is so convenient to pass on the buck. I wonder why would we do that ? Perhaps in the first place the wishes we harboured or the dreams we nurtured didn’t count enough or didn’t matter as much for us to pursue them till they saw the light of day. Or could it be the fact that we lacked sheer courage and perseverance to see them come to reality . Dreams are not for the cowardly, they need some spunk and a lot of spine. And the  courage of our convictions to see them right through despite dissent and opposition. When we give up a dream or passion in the name of pleasing others, a part of us dies within. Gradually as we keep giving up our spirit becomes dull and lifeless sans any passion, sans any purpose. We get stuck in a rut and conveniently blaming others in our life for not letting us do what we really wanted to. The trouble begins to brew when we start expecting others to give up their passions and dreams since we did too.While in the first place if we gave up something supposedly of our own volition why would we coerce another person into doing something similar? Such illogical expectations are the root cause of a storm in most relationships.

Life was never supposed to be easy, and relationships can be anything but simple. With their myriad hues, layers and subtexts. But the bottom line is you can never share or give happiness if you’re not a fulfilled person yourself. So there’s no point letting go of what you want for the happiness of others. Because when you feel thwarted and miserable that is all you would have to offer.

This rant is for all the women including me. It was high time we stopped being martyrs and started reaching out for all that we want, instead of seeking parental approval or approval from a partner. Carpe diem ladies!

Empowered Women and Increasing Divorce Rates – Related?

The chasm only keeps growing and is swallowing up our  relationships. If you’re still wondering what am I referring to here are  the striking  differences between men and women in our society. Archetypical and  biological differences are universal; but what plagues our society is different. The men seem trapped in a time warp and are conditioned to conform, obey, respect traditions and family. They bear the brunt of being caretakers for aging parents, the primary bread-earners, the protective brothers and caring sons. They are forced to put their desires, dreams on the back burner and are expected to fulfill familial duties instead. It might sound rather strange but holds true for so many Indian men ! With the flux in our society the women seem to be evolving rather rapidly compared to men. A woman no longer needs a man to feel secure or for her self esteem; she is comfortable with postponing marriage to pursue her career, she’s emotionally empowered and autonomous and is seldom bogged down by parental expectations. Its only when holy matrimony happens is she expected to transform into a demure coy dutiful woman. This is when trouble starts brewing because more and more Indian women are refusing to fit preconceived notions and are  not very happy with conforming to stereotypical notions of a wife and daughter-in-law. An education, a career and the freedom to move out of the parental fold have all given the Indian woman wings and a voice neither of which she’s willing to clip or thwart in the name of marriage. She demands to be treated like an equal partner and a companion not the servile , subservient secondary member of the average Indian household she once was expected to be.  She isn’t comfortable with putting her career on the backseat for marriage and motherhood.

Her expectations from her marital home and life partner are changing . Which are seldom met thanks to the stick in the mud approach most regular Indian families have. It has a lot to do with the way we rear our sons and daughters.  Sons are conditioned and reared to be dependent emotionally, financially and in every possible way on their families especially their mothers.God forbid if they ever take a stand for their wives or pitch in at home they are labeled as “Joru ke Gulaam” and are mocked at.  They are seldom taught to do their own chores and almost never encouraged to move away from the parental fold to set up an independent home. A stark contrast to the way daughters are raised in our country. They are raised to be educated, independent both emotionally and financially and are carefree; sans any responsibility of their families. They are mobile and flexible in both thought and action.

Courtesy these differences more and more marriages are ending in separation and divorce. Expectations don’t match, tradition and modernity seldom find a common ground. Men  aren’t reared to treat their wives as equals and women are no longer comfortable with juggling both home and career singlehandedly and they’ve become more vocal of their disapproval. The stigma attached with divorce has dissolved and women would rather walk out of an unhappy relationship than take things lying down,

To bridge this gap, we need to sensitize Indian men, to start with we need to start rearing our sons differently. They need to be raised to respect women other than their mothers and sisters. To be more hands-on and proactive at home. They shouldn’t be thwarted emotionally and bogged down by paternal expectations. In the name of tradition and family values we should no longer thwart our children instead give them the space to shape their own lives without judging them. It’s high time that Indian men caught up and kept pace with the women and find some common ground to have more lasting and satisfying relationships.

Fragmented

Slivers

And fragments

Of me

Which I

Would

Rather not see

Which I

Did bury

In the recesses

Of my consciousness

The troughs

The ugliness

Which I chose

To drown

In the placidity

Of a forlorn sea

Rear their heads

Like a loch ness

Monster

And then

I gaze

Into your eyes

And see

A mirror

To my own splintered soul

Partly broken

Partly whole