In the cocoon of words

Between the dredges of freedom

And the chains of security

Between life’s stagnant ways

And rapidly changing days

Between transience

And permanence

In the folds of cynicism

And the circle of hope

In the euphoric peaks

And the abysmal troughs

Floating amidst dreams

And dragging through reality

In the companionable silences of faith

And disconcerting conspiratorial

Whispers of doubt

Floating in joy

And soaking in sadness

Amidst the gossamers of togetherness

And the tatters of loneliness

It was words that kept my sanity

It was only words that set me free

Our lopsided Indian ways

Our society has its own share of eccentricities and idiosyncrasies. Every once in a while I can’t help but observe them and ponder over them. Life is trodding along smoothly yet some instances always surface now and then forcing one to think whether we’ve actually progressed or are still trapped in a time bubble refusing to budge from how we view the world, digging in our heels while insisting how we view the world is how it ought to be.  Being reared to question instead of conforming and thinking instead of toeing the trodden line can be quite an aberration in our country. It only makes matters worse. For the life of me I am unable to fathom why most of our country is still trapped in a time warp. We refuse to let go of how things should be a certain way. Any fluctuations from the designated path are seen as abnormal.  We weave a framework for ourselves and the people around us. Anyone outside that frame is an outcast. We’re eager to shun anything that threatens our patterned mundane way of thinking.  We love to glorify miseries,  sing paeans of  sacrifice and then expect our progeny to do the same for us.  To seek pleasure is to walk the path of decadence, so is to follow one’s heart. Our  duty is to obey and please people who are senior to us in age and stature.  We have this ambiguous sense of what morality entails. And “being good” and morally upright comes with its own baggage. The baggage of pomposity and self-glorification and righteousness. The view that how we’ve lived life is how others ought to. Self-denial is seen as the supreme goal of our lives. We are so willing to demolish dreams at the altar of duty and then expect our future generations to do the same. We still let gender decide an individual’s destiny and course of life. Not sure if we pass on values and ethics from one generation to another but we certainly hand over our prejudices, our rigidity and our biases only too gladly. If you refuse to lap up these gracefully be ready to get an earful. We’re so ingrained in our stick in the mud attitude that change is shunned as  an outsider. How long will we stay wedded to status-quo let other people decide the course of our lives and stay ingrained in passivity ?  Perhaps forever. We’re so eager to label  and anything radical, different or new as ‘evil’, dangerous or threatening. Our refusal to budge from our stances is seen as being sure of what we want while it is merely sheer pig headedness.  What makes me so sad is to see people of our generation to fall prey to such fallacies and archaic notions. We seldom gather the courage to voice what we feel since it is easier to conform and get validation for doing so. But who ever said that what is easy is the best for us?

 

Notes to my impetuous self

This blog is  officially dying and needs resuscitation now! Its been languishing in neglect. I haven’t written in ages. Either words and thoughts simply evaporate or I get so caught up in life’s madness that it just slips into oblivion. It isn’t really by choice that I don’t pause to pen down what’s on my mind. In fact to write and express myself is an overpowering need. I’m a spectator and watch life from my quiet corner, drawing my own inferences, jotting them down on paper or on my blog. This space is sacrosanct for me for here I can say all that I won’t muster guts to say in real life. Yet I seem to have pushed it into a corner allowing myself to become procrastinator.

As the year starts I have only one resolve that is to write more often and to write stuff that makes sense. Resolutions otherwise are passe for me, for they fly right out of the window in the very first fortnight of the year. However there are things I know but don’t practice so I’d rather write them down here to constantly remind myself of these all year-long. Let me start 1) Good things and all that counts always takes time, so be patient and stop jumping the gun when it comes to conversations and ideas. Don’t anticipate too much. Life is fair, but only if we give it time to unfold.

2) Don’t put your foot into your mouth.  Keep silent if you have nothing sensible to say.

3) Abandon your sweet tooth and penchant for emotional eating. It’s going to be a source of much misery and unwanted inches around the waist  as you inch closer towards the thirties this year.

4) Let go of all that you no longer need : redundant emotions, dead relationships, putting too much onus on how people assess you and zany airy ideas about the world at large

5) Learn to confront your demons, your darkness and learn to confront people when you disagree with them. You can’t live life in the avoidance mode.

6) Being restless for change is good, but don’t let the present moment turn into a saga of longing for the future. Live in the moment.

7) Quit allowing people to prick you .Stop being  ready to burst into tears at the silliest of excuses. It’s often not what they say but how you interpret it.

8)  Stop thinking in retrospect of all the witty retorts you could have made in an argument. Give back as good as you get at the right time.

9) Being content is good, until it starts to tilt towards complacency.

10) Trust your intuition but don’t allow it to colour your judgement of people and situations.

11) Spontaneity is good, but it isn’t the same as being mindlessly impulsive.

12) Every once in a while step out of the mindless rut and routine to look at your life objectively from a distance. Make time to reflect, ruminate and re-assess.

I can rant endlessly about all that I need to learn and remember but for sake of sanity I’ll stop right here and come back in a few days to write something more structured perhaps.

Another year…

Another year ambles on

Punctuated with somber silence

Splashed with varied shades

Flooded with memories

And moments that shall melt into oblivion

 

Another year flows through

The river of time

Rushing back once

In a while in  nooks

And crannies of dismembered thoughts

Another year brimming

With love

Aching with longing

Another year asking

Of us to flow

With the waves of time

Find a home

Find a home

for your feelings

Give them a cushion

to rest on

A corner to set roots in

Let them meander through

the corridors of your mind

Hold them close

till they seep through

your weary bones

Inhale them in

Till they fill

depths of your soul

Open windows

of your heart to air

feelings that gather dust

and let them fly

Rocky Road Ahead

The road you chose

Is a lonely one

The Twists and turns are sharp

There are bends and

Boulders lined on the way

You might encounter fellow travellers

Who walk with you a distance

And diverge to make their paths

The road will get rockier

There will be storms to conquer

Don’t look back in nostalgia

Don’t pause in fear

Don’t slow down to withdraw

Just keep walking

Walk till you see the beacon

Walk till you learn to live in the moment

Walk till you know the transience of life

Walk till your darkness melts into light

Tell me….

Tell me

of the darkness

that envelops

our souls

Tell me

of the dreams

and desires

that we buried

in the backyard

of reality

Tell me

of the emptiness

that swallows our core

The helpless ire

that clips our wings

Talk to me

of that

simmering rage

that scathe

our beings like a

forest on fire

Tell me

all that can bring

to the surface

the storms

that brew beneath

the tranquil seas

of our mundane existence