Of Sons & Mothers

The other day this sitcom on television about a 41-year-old man who became putty in his scheming manipulative but sweet talking mother when it came to choosing a bride.The mother would make a sad face and talk her son out of wanting to meet a girl he preferred!!  It merely  reaffirmed my belief Indian men never truly grow up do they or perhaps they aren’t really allowed to grow up.  Partly because their moms never let them… they treat them like infants when they’re well past their 40s  and partly because they have been reared to worship the  very ground on which their moms tread .Their world revolves around seeking approval from their Moms..Right from doing their laundry to cooking for them to ironing their clothes I have come across mothers of men in their late forties who ‘mother’ them as if they’re mere infants!!  It’s quite a sight. Most of such Oedipal ( Greek mythology merits credit for this contribution to human psychology one can’t find a better Mama’s boy than Oedipus :roll:) men never really marry cause “Mama darling” approves of no woman for her sonny boy.. And if they ever happen to settle down ( usually post 40) their wives are miserable creatures cause whatever the poor girl might  do, it  is not as good as what Mama does !! 

It applies the other way round too Dads and their daughters have a special bond too, I have no qualms about admitting that I was out-and-out daddy’s little girl; pampered silly by my dad who gave into so many of my unreasonable demands..  But credit to him and my mom he never encouraged any of us children to become emotionally dependent on them and reared us to make our own decisions and accepted them gracefully.

At the risk of sounding judgemental I’d say a lot depends on how one’s own marriage is.. if one isn’t in a happy, fulfilling relationship with the spouse one might stand at the risk of turning into an emotionally manipulative parent who fosters dependence..Since it fulfills one’s own need to feel wanted and validated.. But mothers who encourage such symbiotic relationships seldom realise they are doing more harm than good-by infantilising their sons who then develop unrealistic expectations and feel the world owes them a living …They end up in troubled relationships and are so entangled  in the web of guilt which their moms weave for them ..

I wonder whether all this will ever change ?? All I can hope for is I don’t end up becoming such a stifling mom whenever  I do become a parent cause I have this niggling suspicion we sometimes end up becoming that which we detest or dislike intensely !!